derpmax asked: Woooo fuck I'm scared now D: WHAT IF SLENDER MAN IS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
What if slender man is INSIDE your house :O
aseriescallednostalgia asked: yay okay thank you
No problemo :D
Its been years since the film was released, and yet still nobody has mounted a serious effort to find the grinch and find out the solution to world hunger. The P(IALS)RWMTSP will form an expeditionary force to locate Whoville and extract the grinch. This will probably involve viewing large amounts of snowflakes under the microscope to find the correct one, and then developing some sort of shrinking ray so we can enter it.
Once we have the grinch, it should be easy to jog his memory and get him to reveal the solution to world hunger. As his heart is now rumoured to be a size larger than usual, he should give up this information willingly. He will be fittingly rewarded with a significant quantity of broken glass bottles and then returned to his home in Mount Crumpit.
We will then use this knowledge to solve world hunger for the honest and hard working people of this world.
This song has been making me laugh all day.
(Oh, and I mentally replaced Margaret Thatcher’s name with David Cameron’s to see if it still works. It does.)
The P(IALS)RWMTSP declared that this song must be sung at all weddings, birthdays, funerals, baptisms and sports matches!
Even worse than the social evil of Twilight is the spread of a contagion known as “Bieber Fever”.
It is believed to be a particularly virulent strain of Herpes. Its symptoms include hysteria, an awful taste in music, and inability to hit puberty. It affects the eyes, ears and brain.
The scientists of the P(IALS)RWMTSP believe that it is caused by prolonged exposure to Justin Bieber and his music, and can be cured only by huge doses of Mozart, Queen and The Beatles.
Unfortunately experts have predicted (by looking at how many facebook likes Justin Bieber has) that as many as 50 million people could be infected. When the P(IALS)RWMTSP achieves power we will take immediate steps to halt this pandemic by passing an emergency law. Aside from giving the Party complete and irrevocable right to rule, this law will allow us to burn infected articles such as albums, and keep carriers in quarantine for as long as required.
It will be an arduous task, but with strong leadership and public support we will eventually be able to rid the Earth of this Bieber scourge. Justin Bieber himself will be set to work in the deepest coal mine, where he cannot cause harm.
The P(IALS)RWMTSP believes that the ‘Twilight’ books and films promote necrophilia, clumsiness, pathetic yearning after a boyfriend and satanism in idiotic and gullible teenage girls.
Instead, we will produce a book entitled ‘nearly-dark’, the inspiring tale of a strong and level-headed young woman who is courted by a supernatural and freaky man. She takes the correct course of action; hitting him over the head with a golfing trophy and calling the secret meerkat police to apprehend him, before marrying an honest and obedient Party member with completely normal teeth.
All who refuse to accept the approved literature of the P(IALS)RWMTSP will be sent to a Twilight convention, where they will be tragically killed in an accident involving a highly trained firing squad.
The nation will grieve such a huge loss of life, but agree that they died for a good cause.
When not writing up policies and campaigning for votes, the leaders of the P(IALS)RWMTSP actually have other jobs. We interviewed a senior Party official on his typical day. He provided us with this picture. When asked to explain, he said this:
"THE BLOOD OF INNOCENT HORSES, WHICH WE STOLE AND THEN UNETHICALLY EXPERIMENTED UPON. MWA HA HA HAAAH!!!1!!!11!!!!"
Once upon a time, a loaf of bread was an honest meal. It was a solid and reassuring mass of delicious plain bread which could be torn into chunks and hacked at with a heavy knife. It didn’t crumble, the hard crust protected its delicious white core. It didn’t need to be smothered in cancerous plastic just to stay together. And if you wanted, you could even beat somebody to death with it.
And then along came sliced bread, the worst of all human inventions. No longer could you gnaw and gnash at the bread. The bread now dictates how much bread you eat. And the slice has to be square, and you have to eat the loaf in slice order, as taking a slice from the middle is frowned upon by society.
Liberal scum often (falsely) accuse the P(IALS)RWMTSP of being a dictatorship, and yet they have stripped every single denizen of our nation of the hard-won right to slice their own bread to the desired thickness.
When the Party takes power, we will right this wrong. Sliced bread will be fed only to prisoners.